Knowing Your Role

Women today play many roles. Wives, mothers, employees, bosses, friends, Sunday school teachers, women's ministry leaders, board members, trustees, worship leaders,coaches, shoppers, etc. etc. the list could go on forever. Which role best describes you?

Let's take a look at the role Our Father gave to us.

Genesis 2:18 tells us - The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Women were created so that man would not be alone and so we could be a helper suitable for him. We need to ask ourselves are we fulfilling that role the best we can? Are all the other roles I am playing taking away from that one? Is my husband often left alone while I run around looking after everyone and everything else? Am I being a helper suitable for him? Or am I leaving him to look after himself and his own needs while I am too busy with everything else? Obviously we do need to look after other things but we need to make sure that this first role is not being neglected in favor of others.

Some might say "What about me? What has he done for me?" First God does have guidelines for men as well but that is not up to us to ensure he fulfills his role before we fulfill ours. It is honoring to God when we follow His Word and live our lives in way that is pleasing to Him and He will bless you for it. You may also find that as you take the time to be a helper to your husband and make him and his needs a priority his attitude toward you will change as well. Many men hold in resentment and you may not even be aware that your actions are hurting him and your marriage until it is too late. I realized that as a husband can resent his wife being away or busy all the time he can also resent the reason she is away or busy all the time. You do not want your husband to start resenting your church or your children and their activities or anything else that you are doing. Look after him and his needs.

If your husband is feeling neglected or if you know that you are unable to be there for him and be a helper to him then you need to take the steps necessary to change that. Here are some ideas of how you can do this....

1. Learn to say no. It is hard at first but you will get the hang of it. Simply say I am sorry but I just can't help you out right now I need to look after other things at the moment. Everyone will understand. DO NOT make your husband out to be the evil ogre that won't let you do anything, or the whiny baby that needs you to do everything for him. Get your heart in the right place if that is the way you are making him out to be. Some people will make that assumption and that can't be helped but don't let it come from you that way.

2. Contrary to what we like to believe the church will not collapse if we can't be there for every event or help with every little thing. Our work in the church and in ministry is very important but hopefully as we find balance in our lives we can work with our husbands or with his blessing and wouldn't that be more pleasing to God?

3. Children will grow up very happy and well adjusted even without being involved in every extracurricular activity and sport out there. Children will still get exercise and have friends if they are allowed and encouraged to go out and play. Our son played baseball for two seasons when he was small but he gave it up and never missed it. He is now very fit, popular and well adjusted without the "benefit" of organized sports and activities. So if your children have a desire to participate in these things feel free to limit it to one per child. Instead spend time as a family, encourage them to just go out and play, use their imaginations, make friends, and then you will not spend your life running them here and there.

4. Try and fit your obligations and activities into time when your husband is at work or busy with his own things. This works well for me. I just check with him before I make any plans or commit to anything.

5. If you have to work outside the home and your hours are undesirable or too long or you are too worn out when you get home to care about anything else then actively search for another one. Years ago I had to work straight afternoons - 3 p.m. to 11 p.m. this was just awful and I never saw my hubby or son during the week and made dinner in the morning and left it for them, we never got to eat together. I did this for nine months while actively searching for another position. That next job was managing a spa in a lakeside town. It was a wonderful job that I really loved but in the warmer months I would end up working 12- 15 hours a day and my home life was suffering for it. My hubby was feeling neglected because even when I was home I was busy on the phone or computer handling appointments , staff and details. I was not fulfilling my role as a helper suitable for him and he was always alone. I quit and was able then to go back to caring for children at home. I am very happy and wouldn't trade this for anything. I am able to still bring in income and yet am here to look after my hubby, son and home. Besides is there really anything better than getting paid to look after little ones, play toys, do crafts, go for walks and to the park? ~smile~

6. Let your husband know that he and his needs are important to you. If he asks you to do something for him or to look after something do it as soon as possible and with a cheerful attitude. Don't make him feel like he is inconveniencing you or that you do not want to do it or worse fail to do it at all. That is one of the ones I need to work on. I am ashamed to admit that I often give them impression that doing some things is an inconvenience and I hate to tell you that I have also been so busy that on more than one occasion I have forgotten to do something important my hubby asked of me but I am a work in progress. Boy am I ever!

When your hubby is home limit for phone conversations. There is little that cannot wait until another time. Place him above friends and outside interests. Don't cut yourself off from family and friends but do make sure that you fit them in around your husband and not the other way around.


There are likely other areas that I haven't mentioned but I am sure you get the idea.

Know your role! It will be a blessing to you and your family!

Blessings,
Liisa