Monday, November 19, 2007

Respect your Husband


Respect is so important to a happy marriage. Many women don't respect their husbands and it shows in everything they do.
When you don't respect your husband you are likely to talk down to him, treat him like he's an idiot or one of the children.
There is a stereotype of the poor stupid man who is not capable of the simplest task without the explicit instructions from his wife which he usually messes up anyway. This stereotype is promoted in most sitcoms and commercials and even children's programs' and story books.
There is also the phenomenon known as man bashing. Women get together and discuss the faults, mistakes and shortcomings of their men. I used to join in wholeheartedly much to my shame. I also used to make derogatory comments about my husband in front of him and others all in the name of humour. How hurtful those comments can be and how I regret every one I made.
It is important that your husband receives the respect he deserves. Make him feel he's special and important because he is.
You may be thinking that your husband has to earn your respect. His position as the man you chose to be your husband entitles him to that respect. Believe me if you always tell someone they can't do anything right or point out their faults they will eventually start to believe you and act the way they are expected to. But if you build them up they will live up to it.
If you build up your husband and make him feel respected and important then he will not be so susceptible to comments from other women that stroke his ego.
One comment I've heard from men who cheated or left their wives is that they got no respect at home. So when a woman comes along, perhaps at work who tells him he is great, appreciates his work, tells him he can do anything, has confidence in him and treats him with respect he is seduced by that if he is not getting it at home. Everyone wants to feel good about themselves.
Another helpful reminder is to not attempt to boss your husband around. He is a grown man, not a child. He is fully capable of completing tasks and making decisions. Take a look at how you and your husband interact. Do you bark orders at your husband? Do you explain things to him like he is a child? Do you always tell him what he can and cannot do? Do you try and control all his free time - do you tell him how he must spend it?
Treat your husband as he deserves to be treated. Let's build our men up and not tear them down. In turn you will gain a husband that lives up to your respect and loves you even more than ever before.
Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.
Ephesians 5:33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Blessings,
Liisa

24 comments:

Unknown said...

Thank you.

Liisa said...

You're welcome!

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Liisa...Everything you said is so true! I can tell you speak from experience. I am having a hard time respecting my husband, b/c I feel he's not supporting his family as he should. He works only the weekends, but get paid for 40 hrs, but it's not enough. I work as well. I have also dealt with his addiction to pornography, which existed long before I was even in the picture. Over our 8 years of being married...we have done nothing but go through the motions I feel. I do love him..but b/c of everything I'm having a hard time respecting him as I should. I feel he rarely does anything right. Any more advice. Thanks.

Liisa said...

I am sorry to hear you are going through this right now.

What worked for me was to pray for God to change me - I am still praying that. That He would help me to become the wife my hubby needed me to be. I started treating my hubby like the man I knew he could be, with love and respect. I read every book I could find about being a good wife and applied the advice I found there. Books such as The Total Woman and Total Joy by Marabel Morgan. More recently Created to be his helpmeet by Debi Pearl. I have heard of so many marriages that have come back even from the brink of divorce by doing this. Your hubby will respond to the genuine change in your attitude toward him and will make changes in himself.

It may take some time and be hard at first - it was for me, but it is so worth it. When I took my eyes off of him, his faults and the husband I dreamed he would be and focused on how I could be the wife he needed me to be and the wife God wanted me to be things changed so much!

My hubby is now the man I always dreamed he would be. He is a hardworking, God fearing, loving husband. We are both stil working on things but our marriage is better than I ever could have hoped it would be.

As for your hubby only working weekends - try telling him how much you appreciate how hard he does work when he is there. I am sure his job is not easy even though it is only 2 days a week. It is hard to see that when he gets five days a week off and you are working isn't it? I understand how you feel. But if he doesn't feel you appreciate or value the work he is doing he won't be motivated to do anything beyond that. Like I would feel if I cooked a big meal for our family and my hubby then said couldn't you have done more? Couldn't you have made 5 kinds of desserts to top it off. Rather than thanking me for the meal I did make. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't feel like doing anything but the bare minimum from then on. However when he shows genuine appreciation for what I have made and thanks me for my efforts I am more than willing to go the extra mile next time.

For the pornography issue I would say that as he draws closer to you and your marriage becomes all you both hope it will be he will naturally draw away from that. I do know from experience that in any situation if you shame him over it that will only alienate him. If even after things improve between you for some time this is still an issue then perhaps you can sit with him and in a nonjudgemental way mention that it hurts you when he does that and ask him if he could stop for you. If he is unable to because the addiction is too strong there are online ministries designed to help men and women in that situation as well pastors are now more and more able to help those who suffer from this. The important thing is not to shame or degrade him that will only pull him farther from you.

I truly hope I have been of some help to you. I will be praying for you both. Don't give up I know from experience how worth it is!

Please feel free to talk to me about this anytime.

Blessings,
Liisa

ana said...

Liisa,
Is there any way we could correspond privately through email or something?

Liisa said...

Certainly.


You can email me at...
liisaandmark@yahoo.com

Blessings,
Liisa

Joanna said...

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for your insighfghtful and encouraging blog.I have a lot of work to do and have just realised how much i am disresoectul! By Gods grace i have the opportunity to chang my ways and learn how to be respectful.In this day and age not many role models are out there so it's hard to get your references from. God Bless you

Liisa said...

Thank you for your comment Joanna and for visiting my blog.
May God bless you as you seek to grow and change in your role as wife. It is so worth it!

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Thanks Liisa. After reading that, it made me cry because i have a wonderful husband, and i am not respecting him as i should. What upsets me the most is that it is God who i am letting down, as well as my husband and myself.

I desperately want to change because I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him. Your words have really helped in the first step of me achieving this! Thank you!

Charlie P

Liisa said...

Thank you Charlie! I am so very glad that my post was able to help you. I pray God will bless you as you make these changes in your life. I know it will bring happiness not just to your hubby but to you as well!

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Thank you Lisa, I have just asked God for forgiveness and my husband for being so disrespectful to him. I wish I would have read Ephesians 3:33 along time ago. I have been sharing this message with many of my girlfriends! As we USED to be bashing our men. What a FOOL I was! I thank God that I still have my man, he is loving,forgiving, hardworking a wonderful Blessing from God and I will continue to treasure him daily! Thank you for sharing, every woman needs to hear this message! We search for love and happiness but it starts with respecting our men. God Bless

Anonymous said...

Sorry, I meant Ephesians 5:33

God Bless

Liisa said...

I am so glad to hear that! Thank you for your comment and for sharing this message with others. You are so right love and happiness do start with respecting our men. God bless you and may He draw you and your husband closer together and closer to Him!
Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Thank you Liisa and whoever that kept this blog going. I had been a victim of myself being self-righteous and arrogant to a point where i do not have an ounce of respect for my husband-mainly due to the past 10 years my husband had not ever hold down a job for more than 2 years, and he got himself involved in an lawsuit which he lost and is costing us tremedous amount of money that we don't have. Although I haven't left the marriage due to his multiple life mishaps, my respect for him had long gond. Today we had another fight and for the first time in our 14-yr relationship I broke a glass on the floor. Things are getting more and more violent on my side. I hope to find help to set me straight. I know I am in the wrong-not my husband. Thru thick and thin I shall repsect my man. If I only ove a sucessful man then I do not love anyone. Today your blog had given me the awakening that I needed for so long. I hope it's not too late to save my marriage.

Amy S.

Liisa said...

Amy - I am so glad you have decided to stick with your husband. I will be praying for you and your husband. It is not easy to change the way we have been acting but I know that God will bless your efforts and will help you when you ask Him to!

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Hi Liisa,

Thanks for sharing this blog. After reading your blog and the comments, I've realised many things about marriage. I've been married for over a year and right now, I am staying away from my husband as I am studying. I will be joining him soon. In the beginning of my marriage, things were very happy between my husband and me, but as time passed, he started saying that I don't respect him. I thought he was saying that to dominate and control me. I always wondered how I could be disrespectful on phone. I know that he's a very nice person, and has a good name among his friends and family members. My friends and family members also had a good opinion about him when they met him. However, I couldn't understand why he kept saying that I don't respect him. For a long time, I thought that our long distance was causing all the problems and my moving with him would solve them. But, I realised that maybe it's something different. I finally decided to search for 'how to respect your husband' and after reading material, I've realised how important respect is for men. I hope I will be able to change myself and treat him with respect, because he's a very nice husband and I really want to spend my life with him.

Liisa said...

Hi!
I am so sorry it took me so long to post your comment...we have been having some computer troubles here lately.

I am so happy that you decided to look into "how to respect your husband". I also so glad you discovered how truly important it is.

I'm sure you will be a blessing to your husband and that in turn the changes you make will cause changes in him that will make you happy as well.

Thank you for taking the time to leave a commentand I will be praying for you both!

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

Hi Liisa,
I've been struggling very much with this issue. For years, I admired my husband greatly. However, since our youngest (3) was born with severe medical issues, my husband has settled into depression and frankly, I'm utterly tired of it. What Amy S said about being self righteous and arrogant hit me over the head. I feel like I'm carrying the weight of the world. And as much as I give it to God, there is still a huge amount of physical labor that is very tiring. Resentment sets in, and its easy to see his faults. And as I read through all this, I was even justifying it still in my mind. Seeing the last comment was just this morning was like God telling me its more than coincidence that I stumbled across this blog today. Thank you.
Cristi S.

Liisa said...

Cristi,
I am so happy you came across this. What a difficult situation you are in. I will be praying for you and your husband. Also for your precious youngest.
May God be with you, guide you and give you the strength you need to handle this trial.

Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

I caught my husband looking at porn and I told him it hurt me so much; and I asked him to stop. He said yes, and I trusted him and let things go. This was before we got married. When I was pregnant, I caught him again looking at porn and I told him again to stop. He said sorry and promised never to do it again. Months later, I see it again on the computer!! Things like "preteen sex" and the like. It's so shameful and I am so hurt and angry. I cannot believe it. What am I doing wrong? Why is he still looking at all these perverse things? I am so ashamed!!! We have a 5 month daughter and I am so sad and worried. Who is this man I married? He was not forthcoming about himself! I wanted a God fearing man who knew better than this. What am I to do? I cannot look at him the same. I feel betrayed.

Liisa said...

Thank you for leaving a comment I am so sorry that it took me so long to reply. I am so sorry that you are going through such a difficult time.
We are to love our husbands (Titus 2) not if they are perfect or if they are living up to our expectations or if they are only doing what is right. We are to love them through times like this. Pornography addiction is a serious disease.
My advice to you would be not to shame your husband but to let him know that you do love him anyway. Seek counselling from your pastor or a Christian therapist for you both. There are so many men and women suffering from this disease, many of them Christians struggling to overcome it. I would suggest that perhaps you and your husband could agree to remove the computer from your home, disconnect the internet or put a program on it that prevents those sites from being available. This must be something you do together. Help him through this no matter how hard it is. I don't believe it is in any way a reflection on his feelings toward you just this sick world we live in.
There are many sites online devoted to helping Christians overcome pornography addiction...seek those out read and share with your husband....it's a good first step. You are not alone.
I'll be praying for you both.
Blessings,
Liisa

Anonymous said...

As a woman I agree women need to start respecting their husbands. However, one thing I dont like about this article is that it seems to put children down quite a lot. Children aren't inferior nothings, they are human beings who deserve respect too (not as much as the husband, of course)

Liisa said...

I'm sorry it was certainly not my intent to put down children in anyway. Children are a blessing from the Lord!
I merely meant that when we speak to our husbands like they are still children in need of our instruction and direction that we are not repecting them as the men they are.

Unknown said...

I just came across your blog after searching for ways to respect my husband. I have a lovely husband and we have three young children but there are lots of issues as to why I am falling down on respect. So thanks for your encouragement. I look forward to looking round your blog.